So . . . looking up . . .surely . . .looking up!

Those of you who know me well know that I write in a prayer journal most mornings . . .not every morning except during Lent . . .and then I am so disciplined. . . .but most mornings, I write and talk to God.  I usually keep some sort of a small spiral notebook going.  Well, today (not pictured because obviously it is June not August), I asked God to help me to LOVE MY new job just like I LOVED my old job.  I've begun to love it (just in case any of you were worried) but it is still so new . . .and I feel like I make so many mistakes . . .and we've had a death every week since I took over (typing funeral bulletins is one of my jobs).  (I am NOT whining - I'm processing!!)

So . . .anyway, for the last thirty minutes, things have finally quietened down.  I actually leaned way back in my chair and closed my eyes (I was already coming up with "I'm just praying" . . .in case someone walked in the door).

I opened my eyes and above my desk is this "art" that I made when I moved into this office.  I read those words once again . . . .Under HIS wings I safely abide . . .

A peace I haven't felt in weeks washed over me.  This has been hanging on the wall for weeks.  I've looked at it every single day but TODAY God spoke through those words . . .UNDER MY WINGS, YOU - LISA - YOU CAN SAFELY ABIDE . . .and love your new job not just as much as but MORE THAN your old job.  

after 30 years of marriage . . .

after 30 years of marriage and 22 years in this same house, we are stepping out . . .we put our house on the market and it sold in about three days . . .it showed twice on the first Tuesday that it was on the market.  One of those families came back the next day and made an offer . . .and we have to be out by June 16.  So what did we do?  We looked at a million houses - oh . . .the beauty of the internet -- sure takes the pain out of looking at all those houses!!

Annnnddddd . . . .drum roll please . . .tatatatatatatat . . .we put a contract on a lovely "cottage" - yes, it is called a cottage - don't you just love it??

four bedrooms, three and a half baths, a loft (top floor - opens onto porch); a dining room; a big kitchen and family room . . .and it is so dang cute, I can hardly stand it!

So now my daughter has me addicted to pinterest (which I do not have time to do right now) . . .and we've been looking at colors and fabrics and chairs and sofas and bar stools.  Why bar stools?  BECAUSE we have this incredible island in the kitchen

I don't know if we are officially downsizing or not . . .we are definitely downsizing our yard - from 3/4 of an acre to a postage stamp!  We are definitely downsizing on our storage space - full, huge basement to a two car garage.  In our house now, we have walk in attic storage space . . .only pull down in the new house ----- soooooo that means I have to get rid of lots of stuff.

Look at that shower . . .yes, it does indeed have a ribbon on it . . .the shower won an award on the parade of homes!

We met the interior designer today at the house (she works for the builder and goes to our church - what a small world!!).  Mark DETESTS the color that the house is painted now sooooo we put in the contract that we need the house painted.  Picked out three colors today - much warmer colors . ..makes us happier.

I'm procrastinating by blogging - Mark is being a servant tonight down at the Firehouse Shelter - feeding the homeless . . . I am packing boxes . . .or will be as soon as I get off my fat a . . .oops.  Didn't say it!

We move in on June 16 . . .come visit now, ya hear!

One wise woman

A wise woman knows . . .it is not about performing well . . .it is about serving well.

Today I was thinking about a scripture that Lysa TerKeurst spoke on last summer (at the She Speaks conference -- which was AMAZING - the whole conference).  The scripture is from 2 Samuel 20 . . .and Lisa spoke about the ONE WISE WOMAN.


So today in my crazy brain I've been thinking . . .what makes a woman wise?  What makes a Christian woman wise?  What does being wise really mean to us?  You know - all those kinds of questions that go 'round and 'round in our heads sometimes (that happens to you, right?  please tell me it does!)


I think one of the reasons that I have been thinking about this concept is because I am training for my new job.  Mary and I worked together for a while today (now weeks ago) and she just knows (she knew) so much stuff about the church and ministry and people.  So does knowledge make us wise?  Does common sense make us wise women? (started working on this post a while back . . .Mary was indeed a wise woman . . .she had more institutional memory than anyone I have ever met . . .every day I wish that I could call her to ask questions about this job . . .Mary was indeed a wise woman and we miss her terribly)


Then I was thinking about what it feels like to be 27 or 29 or 24 years old . . .and to be a female in today's world . . . and about all the decisions these young women have to make . . .about life and dating and careers and friends.  What makes a young woman wise?  Does happiness make us wise?  Does an education make us wise?  Does a husband or a boyfriend make us wise?


Of course, I've still been consumed with thoughts of Nancy and her life.  Nancy always asked about others.  She wanted to know about each one of us.  Does compassion make us wise?  Does a loving spirit make us wise women?


I was thinking about how special God has created each one of us. . . yet how we think we need to change or conform . . .we need to change so that we fit the mold . . .or we need to change to get "a man" (not me - got one - don't need another) . . and I thought how unwise that thought process could be.  Are there societal ideals that we THINK make us wise?


I think a wise woman is one who seeks daily nourishment from Jesus Christ . . .a woman who KNOWS that she cannot exist without that contact with Jesus.  I think a wise woman loves herself and loves others . . .I think a wise woman spends time in fellowship with other Christians . . .I think a wise woman studies and grows.  I think a wise woman realizes that she was created by God himself and is special . . .but not more special than anyone else (not haughty or proud).  I think a wise woman laughs a lot (surely she does, right?).  I think a wise woman knows how to listen. . . .when to speak and when to remain silent.


What do you think are the characteristics of a wise woman?

month by month

I started this blogpost a month ago . . . .from the heart:
Well, I seem to be blogging about once a month . . .and I miss it!  I miss writing down my thoughts but . . .I need more time.   I've been praying for God to help me to organize my time . . "so order my day, Lord" . . .and so far, I have completed every thing that I HAVE to get done . . .but I haven't had much time left over.  I have been making myself take 20 minutes to go upstairs and ride the bike.  The exercise - little though it is - has  helped my mental attitude!  So . . .where have I been?

On March 15, just mere days after writing the last post, our old man kitty got sick.  Of course, I realized he was sick AFTER our vet had closed for the day . . .and we had supper club at our house THAT NIGHT.  So around 3:30 I loaded Snug into his carrier and we went to the emergency vet. 

He had an ear infection and she gave us some amoxicillin and some ear drops.  (just FYI - the visit took several hours and Snug was the only patient . . .and it cost an arm and a leg . . .but I was thinking it was worth it).  We started his meds that night and I had been talking with our vet via facebook chat during the whole ordeal.  She said to bring him to her in a week.  The emergency vet seemed to think that his bloodwork was wonky.  Snug seemed to get better and I took him to see Dr. Frederick on Saturday, March 22.  She repeated his bloodwork and all seemed good.  He was alert and even looked out the window at the dogs in the "poopy yard" at the Vet's office.

On Sunday afternoon, he just didn't seem right.  I mentioned it to Mark but he reminded me that we had just gotten a clean bill of health.  Snug woke me at 10:45 p.m. and I fed him and he ate but he didn't seem just right.  I fell back asleep and he woke me about midnight. . .he could not get back on the bed and was walking around aimlessly.  I got up to check on him and after about 20 minutes woke Mark up to help me with him.  He was a very sick old man and it was heart breaking.  We finally made him a safe place in our bathroom and closed the door.  When we awakened after just a couple of hours sleep, he was no longer pacing but was lying down . . .in his own waste.  We cleaned him up and I took him to the vet as soon as they opened.  We thought that he was dehydrated.  Our vet gave him fluids and some B vitamins but he didn't rally.  He started having seizures around lunch time.  Our vet held him while he seized.  She was able to give him some Valium and keep him comfortable until we could get there after work.  Laura got there first and was holding him when I arrived.  They allowed us to hold him and love on him.  Of course, he didn't even know it and both of us were sobbing.  They gave him some more meds to relax him and then gave him the shot.  We were with him as he took his last breath.   It was truly one of the most horrible and sad days ever . . .and this comes from someone who has suffered other large losses.

oh my goodness - I sure do miss him - he was THE BEST KITTYBOY ever!!!

I don't know if it is because we have suffered so many losses recently but even now - three weeks later (actually 7 weeks or so at this point)-- as I type these words I have started crying again.  It is amazing to me how much a big black old man kitty cat could be missed . . .we sure did love him and he sure did love us.  We have a giant hole in our hearts.  (we are still grieving . . .I can't even look at the vet's office when I drive by).  A few years ago this would have seemed silly to me . . .but we loved him.  Andy (our preacher) always says that when you love much, you grieve much (or something like that!)

My good news is that I got a promotion at work . . .but even that has a sad side.  Mary Boyce, my predecessor retired as of March 31 . . .but she has been very very sick this year . . .actually she has been sick for almost two years.  So - YES, I am happy for my promotion and for our new preacher, Brian (coming in June) . . .but I am sad for Mary. (and now my heart is broken because our beloved Mary died on the Wednesday before Holy Week began . . .so we've lost another loved one)

I'm going to be honest - I'm really glad that my number one strength is positivity . . .because if not, I would be at the bottom of the barrel.  I'm also glad that I am a member of a strong faith community . . .a group of people who care how I am feeling.  Some of them cared enough to send cards and give donations to the Humane Society when Snug died . . .and many of them have said encouraging words to me about my new job.  What do people do when they don't have a wonderful support community????

I shared with my friend, Lisa (yes, another Lisa) that I haven't been able to blog lately.  Since Christmas, I think I've only seen black and white . . .no color.  I have to have color to be creative.  I'm beginning to see color again - a little at a time.

Ashes to ashes

yes . . .I know this is an odd photo below (but isn't it cool??).  I took the photo of myself in the dark car on the way home (no, I was not driving . . .I was stopped at a stop sign!! . . .and this has nothing to do with this very important post . . .but my hair still looks pretty good - even after an 11 1/2 hour work day!!)

Sorry . . .on to the important stuff.   Yesterday was Ash Wednesday. The Ash Wednesday worship service is one of my favorite services of the year.  No, I don't think the service is depressing.  No, I'm not offended because I'm told by a minister that I am a sinner.  It is almost refreshing. Yes, I am a sinner.  Everyone in the room is a sinner AND GOD STILL LOVES US . . . .HE STILL LOVES ME.  Oh, goodness.  Grace just washes over me even when thinking about it.

At Trinity UMC in Homewood, AL, we always have a large crowd at our Ash Wednesday evening service - probably about 700.  (there was a come and go service from 7-8 a.m. and about 100 people attended that service).  At the evening service, one of the preachers (Nathan this year) preaches a sermon and then we have communion and the imposition of ashes.  I was blessed to once again help serve communion . . .one of my favorite "perks" of serving on a church staff.  I was serving the bread last night . . .the body of Christ broken for each one of us.  As I served, I tried to call as many names as possible (serving in the membership office for 10 years helps!) . . . Lisa, the body of Christ broken for you . . .Paige, the body of Christ broken for you . . .  Sue, the body of Christ broken for you . . . Scott, the body of Christ broken for you . . .and I always try to make eye contact with the person on the other side of the altar rail.  Sometimes it is as if an electric current passes from the person serving to the one being served.  I had a minister friend tell me one time that is "the Jesus in me recognizing the Jesus in you."  I think he was right.

When Drew placed the ashes on my forehead last night, I actually felt the ashes trickle down onto my face. . . onto my cheeks . . . and I truly felt that "from dust I came and from dust I will return."  I truly felt "marked" by Christ - called - covered in grace - humbled - forgiven . . . . all because of that marvelous grace. 

Now we are in that season called Lent - a time of introspection . . .a time of giving up stuff of the world and taking on more of Christ. We have 40 days (plus Sundays) until Easter . . .I need to wallow and roll around a little . . .I need to moan . . .I need to cry . . .I need to grieve . . .I need to ask for forgiveness again and again and again because I keep sinning over and over and over again . . .but all the while, every single day . . .I know that Easter is coming. I know that God wins. I know that grace is available. . . God's awesome amazing grace. Yes, I love Ash Wednesday. I am thankful that God loves me.

Give me Jesus

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,
When I am alone,
When I am alone,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
Give me Jesus,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

listen to Jeremy Camp

this one is good, too - live so you can hear people talking, etc.

I told our Sunday School class a couple of weeks ago that I was dry as a bone spiritually.  I was looking forward to working Alabama Emmaus Walk 425 this weekend with lots of friends.  Because I teach and facilitate, I tend to push myself . . .giving all I have . . .until I am depleted.  At that point, I usually need a big dose of God . . .I get some along . . .try to spend time with him every day . . .I try to pray continually . ..and live close to HIM but sometimes . . . sometimes I think I step away.  I think it is when I am tired. 

Anyway, back to the story at hand.  I planned to be immersed in the Holy Spirit for 72 straight hours this weekend - away from phones and TV's and computers.  I planned to be there for all 41 pilgrims (those attending the weekend) but I also know from past experiences that God ALWAYS meets me where I am on an Emmaus Walk.

So this week, my plans were not HIS plans.  Nancy died on Tuesday and her visitation was scheduled for Friday night and her service was scheduled for Saturday.  I had to make a very hard phone call to Teresa, the Lay Director for the walk.  I knew without a shadow of doubt that I HAD TO BE HOME for the services.  Not only was Nancy my friend . . .but she was family . . . close family.  As Mark said -- he and Nance (that is what he called her) were more like siblings than first cousins. 

The visitation was on Friday night.  It was to begin at six p.m. and we got there about a quarter til six . . .there was already a line.  We went around the line to the parlor and found our place where Nathan (Nancy's husband) wanted us to stand.  We smiled and hugged people and more people came and more people came.  We were so worried about Nancy's girls.  Yes, they are now grown young women . . .and they are so poised . . .and they smiled . . . and cried . . .Almost all of the family was able to attend.  Our nephews were not able to come from Delaware and two of Nancy's nephews from out of state were unable to attend.  One other cousin's young adult children were unable to attend . . .but everyone else was there . . .and there are a lot of us.  Yes, I say "US" even though biologically "they" would be Mark's family.  After 30 years, they are my family, too. 

For most of Friday and Friday night, I felt numb.  Plain and simple.

The strangest thing happened on Saturday, though.  We are blessed (and I mean that) to attend a church where most things are done with excellence and more importantly, for the glory of God.  We processed in - all six or seven long pews of us (there really are a lot of us).  The orchestra played - I'm sure it was beautiful.  I couldn't make eye contact with anyone for fear of losing it.  I did glance up . . .and even the balcony was full.  Our children's minister talked about Nancy and her years of service . . .one of the Nursing School people talked about Nancy's career and THEN TWO OF HER daughters spoke.  OH MY GOODNESS.  They did an awesome job.  Nancy cared about everyone.  She always wanted to know about us. . .even that visit right at the end where Mark and I were able to go - she wanted to hear all about the family.  The point is  . . . all of that part of the service was good - beautiful and fitting.

BUT THEN IT HAPPENED.  The sanctuary choir sang (both Nancy and Nathan were in the sanctuary choir . . .as a matter of fact, Nancy sang in two performances of the Messiah on December 1.  How could that be???).  Anyway, God has spoken often to me through music.  Our choir director, Scott, always wants the music to be for the glory of God.  Remember back at the first of this long and rambling post . . .I was dry as a bone spiritually . . .I was looking forward to working an Emmaus walk so that I could refuel?  God did something amazing - as he often does.  The choir started to sing "Give Me Jesus."  I could feel the whisper - here I AM, Lisa.  I AM here.  Drink it in.  I wept.  Mark wept.  My brother-in-law, Bob, wept.  I doubt there were many dry eyes in that sanctuary.  The voices of those choir members swirled through the sanctuary on the breath of the Holy Spirit.  Our senior minister, Andy spoke then . . .and he spoke words of life and hope and love and grief and he spoke words of GOD!

But God wasn't finished.  No, he wasn't finished.  I AM was still in the building.  We have this incredible new prayer garden/columbarium that I have shared with you before (because I helped!!).  I knew the way through the building to come into the back of the garden and so we were designated to get Aunt Mary (Nancy's momma) into her wheelchair (she is 90 and beautiful) and down the elevator and through the building and out into the prayer garden/columbarium.  We hustled . . .I think George did a few wheelies (nancy would have laughed!!).  The rest of the family was already there waiting on us.  We stopped at the edge of the family . . .and I took a deep breath and looked up . . . and around (I'm starting to cry again as I type this) . . .and oh my goodness . . .there were people in the breezeway and along the fence and in the windows of the church - WE WERE SURROUNDED BY A GREAT CLOUD OF WITNESSES.  Hebrews 12:1 -- Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

At THAT VERY MOMENT, a soft breeze blew through the columbarium . . .and I said to God (not out loud), "Thank you, God, you sent your Holy Spirit."

Now I am full . . .I am sad . . .I am heartbroken . . .but I am full because give me Jesus - any day - any way . . .Give me Jesus.  Oh Nancy - I am going to miss you sooooo much.  I just can't even fathom how much . . .but you are with Jesus.  You ran your race with perseverance.  Give me Jesus.  Give me Jesus.  Give me Jesus.  You can have all this world.  Just give me Jesus.

Thought processes

(disclaimer - this post may make ZERO sense to anyone but me . . .but I am processing)
I slept late this morning - UNTIL 7:00 a.m.!!!  I woke up (that is a good thing) and the sun is shining and the sky is blue.  There is food in my pantry and there are diet pepsis in my refrigerator.  I've just received a promotion at work.  We just had our hardwood floors redone in the kitchen and they are lovely.  Mark's sister, Susie and our brother-in-love, Bob are flying into town today.  I have some crafty type things I would like to work on today.  I have a gift card to spend at Talbots.  I have an Iphone that needs repair (but I have one!).  I am surrounded (not at this moment - I'm alone at the kitchen table) . . .but I am indeed surrounded by family and friends who love me.  There is an Emmaus Walk (Rise and Shine Walk 425) going on at Camp Sumatanga and I am privileged to pray for those team members (whom I love very much!) and the pilgrims.  I have antibiotics and steroids to fight this nasty "asthma/allergy" attack.


I could have worded each of those statements in a different way . . . and they would have been filled with negativity.  This week, due to sickness and death and stress and sadness and disappointment, EACH of those things could have been stated in a negative way (except for maybe the gift card at Talbots . . .the only negative is that I have to go to the Summit to spend it - aww shucks! -- just as an FYI, I am thrilled to see Susie and Bob BUT they are coming for Nancy's memorial service . . . .)


Jesus said, "I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of."  He didn't say, "Hey Lisa - bad stuff is going to happen so you can wallow in it" (is that how you even spell wallow?  in my house when I was a kid, it would have been "waller" -- you know - "just waller in it").


Life is hard.  God is good.  Bad stuff happens.  God is bigger.  I'm going to miss my friend and cousin.  She is dancing with Jesus.  I've got to learn a whole new job.  God is with me - always - and gave me a sharp mind and he also gave me the ability to apologize and say, "I screwed up on that project." I'm not at Camp Sumatanga this weekend with Teresa and Kam and Nathan and my other friends BUT GOD IS THERE . . .and GOD IS HERE!!! 


Just read this a few moments ago  -- Isaiah 55 (the message) . . . .and I'll end with this because God is good - all the time.  Go out in Joy.  Yes, Lord.


So you’ll go out in joy,
    you’ll be led into a whole and complete life.
The mountains and hills will lead the parade,
    bursting with song.
All the trees of the forest will join the procession,
    exuberant with applause.
No more thistles, but giant sequoias,
    no more thornbushes, but stately pines