Grace and Mercy

 

It is 2:41 a.m. and I am awake – possibly because I’m on steroids for a ferocious cough . . . possibly because I drank too much caffeine today . . . possibly because I’m grieving the loss of my sweet friend/cousin Nancy who died earlier today.  Whatever the reason, as I was coming back to bed, God whispered, “write it down, Lisa.  Write it down.”  So I’m propped up in bed on a bunch of pillows (which is probably good for the cough) with the laptop on my knees . . .typing. . . and listening to myself wheeze.

I know that Nancy is with Jesus.  I have no doubt of that fact.  Nancy lived a good life.  She was kind.  She was good.  She knew Jesus.  She taught Vacation Bible School.  She taught a young adult Sunday school class.  She was a wonderful mother to three beautiful daughters.  She was a faithful wife.  Nancy was my friend and Mark’s cousin . . . more like a sibling . . . .and oh my goodness, she may be with Jesus but we are still here on earth and we are going to miss her so very much.

My “writing fingers” have been silent for about two months.  I couldn’t sit down and type about mundane things when a life and death battle was going on.  I wanted to write about our family playing croquet on Christmas day . . . and I may write that post yet . . .but I wanted to pour out my heart about this and was not at liberty to do so yet. . . so my fingers were silent.

According to the scripture (and according to Andy Stanley), God promises us grace and mercy to endure every situation . . .to get us through every tough thing.  He doesn’t promise to physically heal everyone.  He doesn’t promise to answer all our prayers the way we want him to do but he does promise grace and mercy.  Mark has been praying every night for grace and mercy for Nancy since we found out that she was approaching the end of her earthly time.  God did indeed give her grace and mercy.  He gave her so much more than we could have imagined.

Nancy went home from the hospital for a couple of weeks . . .because she wanted to walk out the door of her home for the last time . . .grace and mercy.  Friends and family were invited to come one (or two – if a couple) at a time to visit with her.  We were spaced out so that she didn’t tire too much but we were all granted a few precious moments with our very special Nancy.  She talked with everyone . . . grace and mercy.  When Mark and I went, Mark pulled a chair from the adjoining room . . .right up next to Nancy . . . and held her hand the whole time.  Grace and Mercy.  We laughed and talked and reminisced about a lifetime of shared activities for Mark and Nancy and of course, Mark made her laugh.  Grace and mercy.  Mark didn’t cry.  Grace and mercy.  I cried all the way home.  Grace and mercy.

Five days later, I went back to see Nancy to deliver a photo book I had ordered.  The pictures were from her surprise birthday party thrown by her Sunday school class back during the fall.  I am sooo thankful that Suzan had the wisdom to orchestrate that lovely party.  Grace and mercy.  Nancy sat and looked at the pictures but I could tell that she was tiring.  I could tell that she was slowing down from just five days before.  Nancy smiled often during our visit . . .and drank a cherry icee . . .grace and mercy.

Nancy moved to palliative care at UAB on Valentine’s night.  That was just a few short days ago.  She walked out of her house for the last time.  Mark’s momma went and sat with Aunt Mary (Nancy’s 90 year old mama) yesterday and today (actually, it is already a new day . . .so I should say on Monday and Tuesday afternoon).  She was privy to some of Nancy’s last stories . . . and Nancy lived with God’s grace and mercy right up until she met Jesus.  She even orchestrated her family’s Sunday dinner -  from her hospital bed – and they all gathered for one last Sunday dinner.  Makes me not want to miss a single Sunday lunch at Mark’s momma’s house from now on.  They might be numbered.

Nancy lived her life with grace and mercy. . .not just at the end of her life . . .but all of her life.  God is good.  All the time, God is good.  Even when we earthly beings are sad and grieving, God is good.  God wins.  He is victorious over life AND DEATH.

The next few days will be difficult.  We are a part of a large family and we are all grieving.  Nathan and the girls and her sisters and her brother and her mother . . . are all grieving.  But already, I feel God’s whisper . . .not quite audible in the middle of the night . . .but the whisper is still there . . . .grace and mercy.  Grace and mercy for all of us.  Grace and mercy.  Thanks be to God. 

Thank you God for sharing Nancy with me for 32 years.  Thank you God that Nancy introduced me to her cousin, Mark.  Thank you God for her friendship.  Thank you God for her smile.  Thank you God for grace and mercy.

 

Live Love Laugh

Today was one of those extra special days.  We celebrated Nancy's birthday and it was a surprise for her!  Nancy and Nathan teach a young adult Sunday School class and the class planned a "get-together" following church today.  Nancy even signed up to bring the buns!  What Nancy didn't know was that Suzan (hostess with the mostess) sent invitations to some family members and close friends.  We all arrived and those of us who were "surprises -- meaning not class members" were ushered into the party room.  Meanwhile, families and little children were playing and chatting and cooking!

These decorations are sooooo cute!!!  The tables were lovely and all the decorations were so cute!  I  had been wondering how to hang those tissue paper balls from the ceiling . . .Suzan hung them with scotch tape.  I need to email her this week and ask if the tape made marks on her ceiling!!  I was afraid to do that so I can't wait to hear from her!

Suzan and her mom own all of these wonderful chair covers and sashes.  They told me the name of the online company . . .I must get that info (because of course, I have forgotten it!!)  It is something that ends in "rite."  She said they purchased the covers and sashes for a ridiculously low price and have used them multiple times!!  Everytime they put the sashes on sale, she said they order another color or two!!

So, Nancy is notoriously late.  If she is reading this, she knows it is true :-) and we love her lots!  Today it worked out well because we were all able to arrive and be in the room when she got to the party.  The funny thing is that they didn't tell her husband, Nathan, about the party.  He said he found out when he was walking in and there were friends walking in with him . . .friends that are not in that young adult class!  He and Nancy were in separate cars so that was a good thing!! 

Alice and Grace (above) looked so pretty today.

Here is the guest of honor.  Nancy is one of my heroes.  Nancy is a survivor.  I've know Nancy for more than 30 years.  Nancy introduced Mark and me via a canoe trip many, many years ago . . .I knew Nancy from a young adult Bible study and Mark is Nancy's first cousin.  We've raised our children together.  We've spent most Christmas Day evenings together for 30 years.  We've taught VBS together.  We've spent hundreds of hours on the telephone.

Nancy was diagnosed with breast cancer several years ago . . .and is still fighting that nasty, horrible disease.  I rarely use profanity.  I abhor it actually.  I remember vividly the day that Nancy called to tell me that she had her first recurrence.  I was standing in the kitchen and backed up to the kitchen cabinet and slid down to the floor .. . .all while saying, "Sh*t, Sh*t, Sh*t, Sh*t."  But Nancy is a FIGHTER!!!!  Nancy has three beautiful daughters and lots of friends and family and we are all so glad that she is a fighter!!  Here is a picture of Nancy and her youngest daughter, Charis, who is a freshman in college this year!!!

 

When Nancy came into the room, she made a little "speech" and it was a tearful speech.  She was trying to tell all of us how much we mean to her . . .and we know that and we sure do love her!!!!

Nancy and her three wonderful daughters -- Lydia, who is working as an interior designer for a local company; Miriam, who is a United Methodist Minister and Charis, a college freshman.

In the blue jacket is my mother-in-law who just happens to be Aunt Susie to Nancy.  In front of my mother-in-law is Nancy's mom.  Two beautiful women of the older generation . . .who have taught us many things!!  (Claire, Nancy's long time friend, is behind the ladies)

There were some men at the party, too!  George is on the left.  He had surgery on Friday.  Mark is in the middle and Guy is on the right.  Aren't they cute??

The centerpieces were lovely - peonies (right?) in Mason jars and balloons - can't get any better than that!!  Looks like a party to me!!

The class members provided lunch - burgers and dogs and sides - and then there was cake!!  All the children gathered 'round to help Nancy blow out the candles.

This cute little fellow in the orange shirt was amazing to Mark (who was sitting right behind where he is standing).  He was using the camera on his parent's phone . . .and he videoed and zoomed, etc.  I laughed and told Mark that I think children come into the world these days knowing how to operate all electronics!!

Nancy and all the children blew out the candles together . . .except for adorable orange shirt boy . . .he is still shooting video!!

Friends and family are so important.  Phella, Nancy and I have been friends for more than 25 years.  Back during the day when we were all stay-at-home moms, I cannot tell you how many hours we spent on the phone.  We talked about all the ages, stages, and quirks of being a stay-at-home mom and if I remember correctly, we NEVER complained about our husbands. hahahaha!   I can remember vividly the day that I found out Nancy was pregnant with Charis . . .we were in the K-Mart parking lot!!  I think we had been at the church during VBS where we were both working as teachers that year.  Over the years, I've called Nancy hundreds of times to ask medical questions.  You see, she is a nurse . . .and a good one.  After my hysterectomy, she came and helped me several times.  I trust her!!  I love her!!  She and Mark have always been close.  He sure does love her, too!! 

Today Nancy said that she wished she could write down how much everyone has meant to her, etc. but she didn't think there were words that would work.  I would like to tell you how much Nancy means to me . . .but I'm not sure there are enough words.  I just know that I love her . . .and I know she loves me.  We are friends, we are cousins by marriage, we are sisters in Christ.  We are there for each other.  That is a good friendship.  I feel so blessed by both of these women.

family

Our sweet son and daughter-in-law have been living with us for a few weeks.  Our daughter-in-law moved in with us back in January and our son has been here for a couple of weeks now.  They are in one of those "transition" states . . .job changes, looking for a place to live, etc.  We are enjoying having them with us so much!

It is interesting though to "blend" two family units together.  Last night, Glenn said that they hate not being able to find their stuff.  Lots of their belongings are in storage, some are crammed into Laura's closets and some into Glenn's closet.  I know that must be difficult!!

Back when I was pregnant with Glenn and Laura, I had to stay with my in-laws for about four days.  I know that it can be tough.  Different families do things in different ways and I'm sure there are days that Lauren thinks we are all nuts.  We are loud in general.  We talk loudly.  We laugh loudly.  I yell loudly (Mark is passive agressive so he never yells).  Mark's family (besides Mark) on the other hand is not so loud.  They are all pretty passive agressive actually.  Families are just different.

I stayed home most of Glenn and Laura's lives.  I worked two different part-time jobs when they were little and was always home in the afternoons.  Lauren's mom worked outside the home (I think - I need to ask her that question??) most of the time.  Laura and Glenn are twins so they were always home at the same time.  Lauren and her brother are several years apart.  Families are just different.

The thing that I love is seeing how "in love" Glenn and Lauren are with each other. They just celebrated their second anniversary and it is refreshing to see how they care for each other.

I've also learned some other really interesting things . . .they have been eating the Paleo way . . .and it takes a lot of chopping and prepping!! Fresh fruits and veggies and lean meat - all so healthy. Glenn showed us this pyramid.  Isn't that amazing?  We are eating the same diet that they are feeding cows . . .to FATTEN them up!!!!!

Since Glenn met Lauren while away at college, I didn't know her well before they got married.  I've enjoyed getting to know her better.  Before they moved in with us, we had only spent a few days together over holidays, etc.  We actually have quite a few things in common.  We both love to blog!  Check out her blog at Simply Free http://laurenrebeccaelliott.blogspot.com.  I love to read her blog and she actually met some blog friends this last weekend.  How cool is that?  We both love Glenn - that is VERY important.  The most important thing is that we both love Jesus!!

So . . .we are all on this journey . . .together.  Laura went away to college and moved home while she worked on her master's.  Now she is in an apartment with friends.  Glenn and Lauren went away to college and got their master's and moved to Mobile . . .and are now back home for a while. 

By the time, I was the age of the three of them, both of my parents had already died.  I was on my own.  I love knowing that Mark and I have a home and it is open to our children.

Families - they are a good thing.  They really are!  I love mine . . .how about you?