Evening Thoughts

Tonight is one of those nights where I just need to type out my thoughts.  I am struggling.  It is actually ALMOST humorous in a way.  We just finished our first night of Soul Keeping with the Young Professionals and I felt like the whole night was a failure.  John Ortberg just told us about the will and the mind and the body all being encompassed by the soul and how our mind, body and will affect our soul.  My soul feels unhealthy tonight.  So many "other" things affect us.  Laura told me that she thought I should never make homemade pimento cheese grilled cheese sandwiches again - that she didn't think people liked them.

Strike one.

I felt like I was a horrible facilitator tonight.

Strike Two.  

On Sunday, in the John Wesley class, people discussed the DVD.  Tonight, the young professionals did discuss a tiny bit . . .but they discussed the way they do when they either didn't like something, didn't get it (I know they got it - they are all so much smarter than I am) . . . or were just bored to death.  The whole night felt flat.  So . . .as a result of all of that, my soul feels totally unhealthy tonight.

I'm tired (body!) --

Strike Three.  I'm out!!

John Ortberg told a story about how they used to tie a tether line from the barn to the house when a snow storm was predicted so that they could find their way home.  I do know that I am "tethered" to Christ and that is a good thing.  (kind of funny that he used a snow analogy and we are wondering whether or not we are going to have a snowstorm event tomorrow!!)

I know this whole post probably makes no sense at all.  I just need to get these thoughts out.  I wonder if it is because we just finished with the cross project (which was successful) and we just took Lauren and Christie to Emmaus this past weekend and received some good spiritual food . . .and then tonight - plunk - I fell right down into the bottom of the well.  That happens often - a really high week and then a low place.  Christ meets us in those low places.

I think I'm too consumed with self tonight and not focused enough on Christ.  I need to lift my eyes and I need to REST in him.

Just tonight, I typed these words on a friend's facebook page -- you might recognize these words:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Even though I feel like my soul is unhealthy tonight; even though I am physically tired; even though I'm disappointed in myself for facilitating poorly . . .NONE of that can separate me from the love of Christ.  He loves me still.  I can rest in him.  (p.s. - those who love me don't have to panic and worry about me.  I'm just processing thoughts!!)