month by month

I started this blogpost a month ago . . . .from the heart:
Well, I seem to be blogging about once a month . . .and I miss it!  I miss writing down my thoughts but . . .I need more time.   I've been praying for God to help me to organize my time . . "so order my day, Lord" . . .and so far, I have completed every thing that I HAVE to get done . . .but I haven't had much time left over.  I have been making myself take 20 minutes to go upstairs and ride the bike.  The exercise - little though it is - has  helped my mental attitude!  So . . .where have I been?

On March 15, just mere days after writing the last post, our old man kitty got sick.  Of course, I realized he was sick AFTER our vet had closed for the day . . .and we had supper club at our house THAT NIGHT.  So around 3:30 I loaded Snug into his carrier and we went to the emergency vet. 

He had an ear infection and she gave us some amoxicillin and some ear drops.  (just FYI - the visit took several hours and Snug was the only patient . . .and it cost an arm and a leg . . .but I was thinking it was worth it).  We started his meds that night and I had been talking with our vet via facebook chat during the whole ordeal.  She said to bring him to her in a week.  The emergency vet seemed to think that his bloodwork was wonky.  Snug seemed to get better and I took him to see Dr. Frederick on Saturday, March 22.  She repeated his bloodwork and all seemed good.  He was alert and even looked out the window at the dogs in the "poopy yard" at the Vet's office.

On Sunday afternoon, he just didn't seem right.  I mentioned it to Mark but he reminded me that we had just gotten a clean bill of health.  Snug woke me at 10:45 p.m. and I fed him and he ate but he didn't seem just right.  I fell back asleep and he woke me about midnight. . .he could not get back on the bed and was walking around aimlessly.  I got up to check on him and after about 20 minutes woke Mark up to help me with him.  He was a very sick old man and it was heart breaking.  We finally made him a safe place in our bathroom and closed the door.  When we awakened after just a couple of hours sleep, he was no longer pacing but was lying down . . .in his own waste.  We cleaned him up and I took him to the vet as soon as they opened.  We thought that he was dehydrated.  Our vet gave him fluids and some B vitamins but he didn't rally.  He started having seizures around lunch time.  Our vet held him while he seized.  She was able to give him some Valium and keep him comfortable until we could get there after work.  Laura got there first and was holding him when I arrived.  They allowed us to hold him and love on him.  Of course, he didn't even know it and both of us were sobbing.  They gave him some more meds to relax him and then gave him the shot.  We were with him as he took his last breath.   It was truly one of the most horrible and sad days ever . . .and this comes from someone who has suffered other large losses.

oh my goodness - I sure do miss him - he was THE BEST KITTYBOY ever!!!

I don't know if it is because we have suffered so many losses recently but even now - three weeks later (actually 7 weeks or so at this point)-- as I type these words I have started crying again.  It is amazing to me how much a big black old man kitty cat could be missed . . .we sure did love him and he sure did love us.  We have a giant hole in our hearts.  (we are still grieving . . .I can't even look at the vet's office when I drive by).  A few years ago this would have seemed silly to me . . .but we loved him.  Andy (our preacher) always says that when you love much, you grieve much (or something like that!)

My good news is that I got a promotion at work . . .but even that has a sad side.  Mary Boyce, my predecessor retired as of March 31 . . .but she has been very very sick this year . . .actually she has been sick for almost two years.  So - YES, I am happy for my promotion and for our new preacher, Brian (coming in June) . . .but I am sad for Mary. (and now my heart is broken because our beloved Mary died on the Wednesday before Holy Week began . . .so we've lost another loved one)

I'm going to be honest - I'm really glad that my number one strength is positivity . . .because if not, I would be at the bottom of the barrel.  I'm also glad that I am a member of a strong faith community . . .a group of people who care how I am feeling.  Some of them cared enough to send cards and give donations to the Humane Society when Snug died . . .and many of them have said encouraging words to me about my new job.  What do people do when they don't have a wonderful support community????

I shared with my friend, Lisa (yes, another Lisa) that I haven't been able to blog lately.  Since Christmas, I think I've only seen black and white . . .no color.  I have to have color to be creative.  I'm beginning to see color again - a little at a time.