Trust

Trust

I'm on a one word roll . . .stench, cling, and now trust.  I've had issues with trust for many years now. I'm pretty sure it goes all the way back to my first marriage (a short 18 months when I was very young) . . .maybe it goes back to the fact that my mom died when I was a Sophomore in high school . . .maybe it is because my brother-in-law (who was like a brother to me!) left my sister for another woman after 32 years together . . . .maybe it was because . . . of things I don't even want to type.  No matter the reason, I have a hard time trusting others.  The real problem is that my issue with humans carries over into my relationship with God.  I so desperately want to trust him.  I want to think that he only wants good for me and my family (and friends . . . and neighbors . . .and everyone!).  The world just keeps bumping into me with all of its hurts, and pains, and heartaches . . .and then I wonder, "can I trust God?"  I usually hear a still small voice whispering back at me - "yes, you can trust me."  But can I really?  Is God going to take care of this or that?  

So where does that leave me?  Hanging out on a limb, perhaps?  According to dictionary.com, trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.  I want to believe in the reliability, trust, ability and strength of Jesus.  Can I even do that?  God has been faithful in the past -- I can read the scriptures and I can see his mighty hand in the past . . .but what about now?

A friend shared a playlist with me several weeks ago.  One of the artists on the list was Lauren Daigle.  I loaded her album, "How Can It Be?" onto my phone and if I have listened to the entire album once, I have listened to it at least 100 times.  One night, I was having trouble going to sleep and I listened to the entire album three times . . .in one night. . .back to back.

One of the songs has spoken to my heart over and over again - I love the words of this song. The name of the song is Trust in You.  (go listen to it right now - just click on the title!!) . . .I'm trying to trust you, Lord - I'm trying.

"Trust In You"

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet 
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings 
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!