Friday, November 9, 2012

one of those days??

do you ever have "one of those" days?  You know . . .you wake up . . .you KNOW without a shadow of doubt that you have so much for which to be thankful . . .you know you are loved . . .you know you are forgiven BUT you are just sad.  Do you ever have "one of those" days?  I'm having one today.  I'll be fine.  I'm a "glass half full" person.  My number one strength is positivity.  I'll be fine.  But for the moment I'm sad.  I just am.  I feel like I'm losing a friendship and I don't know how to fix it.  Most of my blog posts are about the fun things that I get to do as a middle-aged mom but sometimes . . .sometimes . . .life is just hard.  That is all there is to it.  Sometimes life is hard.  I think that I always thought that by the time I was "whatever age" I am, there would not be days like this.  Of course, I knew that there would be REALLY sad days.  You know about those kinds of days . . .the days where a close friend dies or someone loses a job.  Those are supposed to be sad days but I don't think I thought there would be days where I would be sad just because I couldn't fix something.  The situation may not have anything at all to do with me.  I often have to remind myself, "This is not about me."  Everything in the world is not about me.  I know that.  I have learned that fact in my "whatever" years I've been on earth.  But sometimes it feels like it is about me and I don't know how to fix it.  Did I say something?  Did I do something?  Does it have anything at all to do with me?  I've tried to "make amends" if amends even need to be made . . .since I don't know if it is "about me" . . .I don't even know how to go about fixing it. 

for the friends who read this and for my sister - I'm not going off the deep end.  You don't have to call me or text me.  I might not even answer because I don't really want to talk.  I'm really ok.  I'm just sad.  I felt like if I sat down and typed out these words, it might be cathartic.  (ok I'm already chuckling a little - just looked up cathartic to make sure I was using it correctly and had spelled it correctly -- the word fits!!) Sad will pass.  Sad will indeed pass (chuckle).  I'll get busy in a little while working on my sunday school lesson and I'll feel the peace of God wash over me.  I'll go out in the sunshine and smile at the pharmacist as I pick up my prescription.  I'll pet the kitty cat and as I hear him purr, I'll feel better.

but for now . . .for right now . . at this moment . . .maybe for the next few hours, I am sad.  plain and simple.  I feel like I'm losing a friend and I don't know how to fix it.  I'm just sad. do you ever have "one of those" days?

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